Hi everyone,

Last time we spoke about my experience with gambling, I shared with you my story of how I revealed my gambling addiction with my parents. Full blog can be seen here. So, let’s talk about the aftermath of me revealing my addiction then lying to my parents about my recovery and then coming to terms with living with my parents for my second college semester.

As I lay in bet that night after that phone call, I was feeling roller coaster of emotions – guilt, anger, shame, sadness, regret etc. I couldn’t sleep. I was anxious. A lot of thoughts were swirling in my head about what has happened and what is yet to happen. However, one thought was at the forefront of my mind:

“You are not angry because your parents are making you move back home. You are angry because your ego is hurt”

That sentence was playing on repeat in my head. The more I thought about it the more I began to focus on myself and my actions. He was right. It was no-one’s fault but my own. I had only myself to blame. I got myself into such mess. The only reason why I couldn’t stop it sooner was because of my ego. Inside I knew I had a problem weeks (if not months) prior to revealing it to my parents. However, I refused to accept it. I couldn’t accept it. Accepting that you had addiction seemed like a sign of weakness. I was too embarrassed to admit it to anyone even to myself. My ego was driving me down the wrong path until I hit a dead end and had no choice but tell my father of my horrible decision making. The more I thought about it the more I realised, telling my father about my addiction only seemed to stall it, not quench it. I wasn’t done yet. I still had the crave inside me. I still needed the bookies and maybe, just maybe I could try and salvage all I could from my previous shortcoming by going back to the bookies. I did it ore for me. I did it to get this huge secret of my addiction off my chest. I wasn’t done with gambling. I was just buying some time and pretended that all was well. That led me to getting back to gambling, pissing away the pennies I had and then lying point blank to my parents and now as a result of it all I was now lying in bed feeling sorry for myself. I was lying in bed, broken. I was a broken shell of a man that has hit rock bottom. As I lay on that uncomfortable bed I was on the verge of tears. All my mixed emotions have all morphed into regret and shame. I lost all my money. I lost respect and trust of my parents. I lost respect for myself and perhaps I was on the verge of losing respect of my close friend Conor. I never felt so helpless in my life. I didn’t know where to turn or who to turn to. I was backed into a corner and there was only one way out. I needed to swallow my pride, take the punishment on the chin and start rebuilding my life one day at the time moving forward.

Few days after the phone call I moved back home. It was horrible. I haven’t lived at home for over 3 years prior to that. Every minute in the house reminded me of the reason why I was there “I gambled my college fund away. I lied to my parents. I lost their respect and trust. I lost myself”. These words were just screaming at me with every “Good morning”, with every mouthful of my mothers cooking, with every lift to college in the morning and every lift from college in the evening. We all knew why I was there but we never discussed it. I felt like everyone was judging me, everyone was talking behind my back, everyone was against me, everyone was watching me, everyone I met knew I was a gambling addict. We lived in a small village, so it seemed like I was the talk of the town. (Of course, only handful of people in the village actually knew about it all, but I felt like I was walking around with bit target on my back displaying words “GAMBLING ADDICT”. I was just going through the motions of it all. Each day flowed into the next and I just kept my head down. I decided to focus on college and try to ignore all the negative thoughts that were creeping into my head every minute of every day. I was mentally broken and needed a hard reset. I felt weak. I didn’t know what to think or how to get myself out of such mess. I was living at home now and I didn’t have a penny. My father took full control of my finances. I couldn’t buy a cup of coffee without asking my father for some change. It was horrible. It was embarrassing. It was challenging. But it was EXACTLY what I needed. I knew that if I had access to a lump sum of money again I would bet it away on some bullshit bookies odds. Having no money to spend helped a lot. I needed somebody to take control of my money and my father happily did so.

I would advise anyone who is trying to get over their gambling addiction is to nominate someone (a partner, parent, close friend etc.) as your money keeper. Once you have limited money in your possession you be less inclined to bet it away. Well, it worked for me anyway. I was frustrated and angry with having no money but I knew that it was the right thing to do.

The first few days/weeks were the worst. That’s understandable. I honestly felt that there was no escaping the feeling of regret and shame. I didn’t where to turn, who to turn to or what to do with myself. Each day was harder than the last. My change of lifestyle was a constant reminder of my gambling addiction. I honestly thought that I would never escape that dreaded feeling. I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy. It was hell. It was torture. It was the reality. I was no longer living in the fantasy world where money grew on trees. I needed a reality check and by god I got it.

However, I tell you this much, no matter how ashamed, embarrassed, regretful, angry, sad etc, you feel after getting yourself into any addiction, once you put measures in place and put one foot in front of the other to correct your course in life you will come out much better on the other side. You will ALWAYS come out better on the other side if you are true to yourself. I had to have an honest conversation with myself. I had to admit I had an addiction. I had to admit I was mentally weak. I had to bring myself to the vulnerable state of mind and accept my actions and my wrongs. Once you do that then you are on the road to recovery. No matter what you do in life good, bad or other, some people will always judge you, ridicule you, talk bad about you. That’s just life. I was beginning to be aware of this more and more as the days went by. I let go of everything and just accepted my mistakes. It happened. It was done. I couldn’t change the past. I couldn’t forget it. I blurred out the rest of the world and solely concentrated on myself. I was now fighting for MY future and MY future only. There were no more blame games, excuses or feeling sorry for myself. I had to take it a day at the time and prove to myself more than anyone that I can do this. It was me against me.

It took me weeks to reach that level of self reflection and determination. It was not easy. If battling addiction was easy then nobody would struggle with addiction. We would all just snap out of our addiction when things get tough and that’s that. However, if one wants it badly enough to cure their addiction then it can be done. Its all about “how badly do you want it”. We as human being are incredible beings. We can achieve more things in life than we ever think is possible. However, we give in to temptation too easily. We all do. Me included. However, it’s the fight against that temptation that makes us who we are. Everyone single one of us can get into gambling/alcohol/drugs/etc. addiction. It is easier than you can ever imagine. However, ALL of us can also cure our addiction too. We all have capacity to do it. Trust me.

There is more to my story of my redemption but more on that later. I just want to give some words of encouragement to those who feel they are trapped by their addiction. It may feel like there is no way out and you have no options but trust me, there is ALWAYS a way out. There are 1001 ways to fight your addiction. You just have to find yourself. As I said previously, it all comes down to:

“How badly do you want it”

Thanks again everyone for reading this blog and as always I welcome any feedback of what you liked, of what can be improved etc. Please feel free to recommend this blog to anyone you know who is struggling with addiction that may find my experience useful in any way. Thanks again for your support and there is a lot more on the topic to come. I just want to discuss my experience of coming out of addiction one blog at the time. I don’t want to rush it. Stay patient and stay tuned for more. I hope you all enjoying these blogs.

Thanks again for reading and talk to you all on the next one.

129 Comments

  1. Hi all,

    Thank you very much for the kind words, feedback and comments as a whole. I appreciate every comment, like and follower. I hope we together can reach a very wide audience and help as many people as possible with their gambling addiction.
    Feel free to follow me on Twitter (@McevoyVadim) or email and be sure to recommend this blog to anyone you might think would benefit from reading it.
    Thank you again and lets keep it going and growing.

    Like

  2. Your partner must have a lot of trust in you I know I would not be able to make a life and have that constant worry of weither you would slip up again … Because it happened once why would it not happen again

    Like

    1. Well I am his partner and I have all the trust in the world in him that he would not slip up. The gambling addiction does not define him as a person he is kind and strong and motivated and I am just an open minded person and look beyond the flaws of a person and a person who STRUGGLES with a gambling addiction, And if he does slip up its not the end of the world he will have me every step of the way to get back on track. Hope that answers your question…

      Liked by 12 people

      1. Seen this comment earlier and was going to reply myself Leanne because I have a partner in the same situation …. But you said it better then I ever could say to that answer … You go

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Delighted someone replied to this comment with such class…. I would not of been so kind with my words if that was my partner.. Handled that very welll

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Just wrote a big comment about this below… was so offended by this comment Leanne.. I appreciate your reply to this and answering it which such positivity

        Liked by 1 person

  3. My boyfriend a few days ago admitted he had a problem with gambling and had become addicted… I am unsure on how to communicate with him what to do or where to go.. Any advice that you may have for me that would help him.. Or what should I say to him or should not say.. I am in a bit of a pickle where I feel useless in knowing what to do and say to him

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Claire,
      Sorry to hear about your partners addiction, it can happen to anyone.
      The main thing I would advise is not to blame him for his mistakes. He needs support and love at this time. People with any addiction need to be approached very carefully. You have to be stern about putting measures in place in order for him to avoid gambling again but you have to do in a supportive way.
      I am not sure if I am making sense but the last thing you need to do is to blame him or get angry with him. You need to support, advise and be there for him. He needs to prove to you that he is willing to change and ye can work together towards the recovery.
      If you need more clarification or help please feel free to let me know.
      Thanks

      Like

      1. Like should I do what your parents did to you? And really monitor his money… or will that cause more harm then good in the long term

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hi Claire,
        Yes I think this will be wise. I understand that it may be a little bit of work on your end, however, he needs support and I don’t think he will be able to bounce back from gambling addiction on his own.
        You need to monitor his money as much as possible and the more he proves himself to be able to manage his money correctly and stay away from gambling you can give him more and more freedom.
        How old is your son? If you wish to discuss this further privately please feel free to email me vadim.mcevoy@gmail.com.

        Like

  4. You can really help so much people with your blog on gambling addiction… It is very rare I have heard of a young lad your age getting to caught up in gambling but thankfully you got out the other side and can help people

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Conor,

      Thank you very much for your support and feedback. I aim to try and help as many people as I can with this blog and more. Please feel free to recommend this blog to others that you think might benefit from it. Thank you again Conor.

      Like

    1. Hi Kathy,

      Very good question. My small (yet effective) measures are listed below:
      1. I have banned myself from all the big betting apps for life
      2. I avoid going near the bookies for any event – Cheltneham, Football Finals etc. to avoid getting wrapped up with all the fuss
      3. Anytime I even consider betting I ask myself one question: What are you going to achieve from this bet? Will it be worth the risk?
      Every single time I come to conclusion that it is not worth the risk and I put the money I was going to bet aside.

      Hope this answers your question Kathy.

      Like

      1. Thank you Vadim.. My boyfriend is coming to relation he has a gambling problem so this will help me understand things that might work for him

        Like

    1. Hi Oran,

      I am actually planning to write a book about my life and my story regarding Belarus. Some of the stories may feature in this blog in the coming months though.
      Thank you for your feedback.

      Like

  5. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart you have encouraged me to talk to my family and my friends in helping me get over my gambling addiction… I have a long way to go but I no longer feel like I’m alone and that I’m drowning … Thank you thank you thank you

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Dermot,
      I am glad to hear that you have came to terms with your addiction and now working towards recovery. Keep working hard Dermot and be proud of yourself. I just write blogs but you are working hard to help yourself in order to have a better future for yourself.
      Keep working hard and take it a day at the time and you will get there. Stay focused. Well done Dermot and for what its worth you are VERY welcome. If you need any advise or opinion regarding your journey to recovery feel free to email me – vadim.mcevoy@gmail.com

      Like

  6. Some people can be so ignorant … Just seen in one or two comments above ‘once an addict always an addict’ and oh ‘how can your partner trust you to not gamble again’ no no no no no All your followers here are 100% behind you that you will never gamble again … Some people are just so close minded and have no faith in that people change .. People grow from their mistakes..: the comments really got to me cause my husband was a serious gambler and he has not gambler for 10 years and is a great father and husband and he can change and he has changed so comments like that aimed at you telling you that you can not change just makes me mad… YOU DO YOU VADIM… We all believe in you and have put our trust and faith into you… You can do it .. The sky is your limit now

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Laura,
      Thank you very much for your support and your kind words. I appreciate your support.
      Glad to hear your husband has come through and came out greater in the other side. Anybody can get into gambling addiction and it doesn’t define us who we are.
      Thanks again for the kind words and I am humbled by your comment.

      Like

  7. I just want to put a comment also I read your blog a few weeks ago and reading your blog made me realise that my son had a serious gambling addiction. I was blind to it for years but knew in the last year something was seriously wrong. I just want to say thank you for writing this blog and it openened my eyes to how deep my soon had gotten into such a dark place … I can not thank you enough… He has a long road to recovery but I am just happy he is not on his own and doing it alone… That is thanks to you… A forever follower here til the end

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Aoife,
      So sorry to hear about your son’s gambling addiction. It is tough situation to deal with. I hope your son comes out better on the other side. I am here to help in anyway i can with your sons gambling addiction if you need my advise or opinion. Stay strong and support your son in any way you can. He needs help and support and no better than coming from his mother.
      I would love to hear how your son is getting on n the coming weeks/months.
      Thank you for your feedback and for sharing your story. It just shows that it can happen to anyone.

      Like

      1. I am based in the cork area and if needs be would love to for you to be able to chat to him in person or over skype in the coming days or week… I would pay money if needs be .. But let me know what you think

        Like

      2. Hi Aoife,
        I would love to help in anyway I can. Maybe before we arrange any meeting or Skype calls we can discuss the situation a bit further. I would love to help in any way I can. I don’t want to do it for money. I want to do it because I don’t want anybody to go through what I have gone through and if I could help your son to deal with this addiction the this will be better than any payment.
        Please feel free to email me vadim.mcevoy@gmail.com to perhaps discuss the situation a bit further.
        Thank you.

        Like

    1. Hi Jane,

      Thank you very much for your kind words. I am thrilled that I am helping others as a result of my blogs. I aim to help a lot more people with gambling addiction. I just hope I can bring as many people as I can on journey to gambling addiction freedom. Please feel free to recommend this blog to anyone that you think might benefit from it. Thanks again Jane for your support and comment.

      Like

  8. How do your parents feel about you and gambling now? Is that trust back with your money and being able to handle your own money… How long did it take for that trust to be built back up

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Kiara,

      Yes full trust regarding my actions and my money management has been restored. It took a long time, months of working hard and proving myself to be competent with money and working hard to show that they can put their trust in me again and I wouldn’t betray it.
      It was hard but it had to be done the hard way for me to appreciate the severity of my actions. However, I am not taking it for granted I am still trying to prove to my parents that I can manage my money and that they can always trust me with my actions going forward.
      Hope this answers your question Kiara.

      Like

    1. Hi Michael,
      I think it would be best to discuss this in private. I would happily give you my opinion to your question if you email me vadim.mcevoy@gmail.com. I can happily give you my answer on this blog but I am not sure its fair to you or everyone else to be talking about such topic so personally.

      Like

  9. Amazing, I have now been gamble free for 1 year, 2 months and 26 days. I am not free, it is one thing no gambling addict is ever free, it is always there, your lucky with the support, my family where quick to forget had it been drugs or alcohol I would have had support the full year, it been gambling it was like they didn’t take it seriously.

    Like

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